Bruised Knuckles for nothing
by Jazzerman
Summary: Written for a friend. Rouge has signed Knuckles up for a charity boxing tournament. But Knuckles doesn't realize it at first. Will he get his head together before five pro boxers mop the floor with him? Guest staring the cast of Celebrity Deathmatch!


Jazzerman here, I do not own any of these characters, they are owned by their respected companies, as many as there are. You've heard this crap before. I only own my OCs.

**Bruised Knuckles for nothing**

**---**

"Okay, okay okay stop it already!"

Knuckles the echidna, guardian of the floating island and the master emerald who keeps to himself and generally never leaves his post was being pulled along like a child. The arm that was pulling him along belonged to world class jewel thief and sometimes enemy, sometimes ally Rouge the bat.

"Oh shut up and come on." Rouge growled, not letting go of the echidna's arm as she pulled him through the streets. "Come on, we're going to be late."

"Late for what? I catch you sneaking into the Master Emerald chamber and the next minute you're dragging me through the streets! Now where are we going?" Knuckles shouted, Rouge had come in the middle of his nap time too.

Rouge rolled her eyes, "We're going to a bacon factory, and it's free bacon day."

"Free bacon? Why didn't you say so!?" Knuckles proclaimed, now eagerly walking with Rouge.

"How is it he's managed to hold on to that giant emerald all these years?" Rouge wondered silently to herself.

Rouge lead the clueless echidna to their destination; Angel Island's one and only boxing arena in the dreary west side of Echidnaopolis. Knuckles continued to ask questions here and there about where they were going but Rouge kept silent, thinking that the answer was so obvious that any answer would be an insult.

After a quick trip to the locker room Rouge was pushing the still oblivious echidna towards the boxing ring seated in the middle of a sea of cheering people. Rouge had dressed him in yellow boxing trunks, a black tank top, and a pair of yellow boxing gloves that fit over the claws on the back of his hands. Despite what was obviously transpiring around him, Knuckles only had one thing on his mind:

"Um, Rouge?" Knuckles asked, "How am I supposed to eat free bacon with boxing gloves?"

"Are you serious?" Rouge blanched, "Haven't you ever heard of sarcasm?"

Knuckles blinked. "What's that taste like?"

Rouge halted her shoving long enough to groan, emphasizing just how painful that question was to her. "Sh-shut up Knuckles and get in the ring."

Knuckles, foolishly believing that was where he was going to get his free sample of bacon climbed into the boxing ring. Instantly the crowd erupted in delight and the flicker of cameras flashes glittered in the sea of onlookers. Knuckles was more than a little confused, had all these people really come out to see him eat bacon with boxing gloves on?

Up in the announcer's stand two men appeared on the large jumbo-tron screen. These men instantly caused the people in the stands to burst into cheers, whistles, and applause. Both were dressed in clean and pressed three piece suits complete with small purple bow ties.

"Good evening fight fans!" The thinner of the announcers spoke into his microphone, "I'm Johnny Gomez..."

"... and I'm Nick Diamond." The portly, mustachioed announcer chimed in.

"Many of you out there may know us from our day job at Celebrity Deathmatch. But tonight we're here to promote a different kind of brutal carnage." Johnny said.

"That's right Johnny." Nick nodded. "Although seeing celebrities beat each other to a bloody pulp is our bread and butter; the WVBA has hired us for this special event. One boxer is going to take on five other boxers in this survival style charity event."

"Awful nice of this fighter, though surviving five fights in a row is a nearly impossible feat." Johnny chuckled, "You'd have to be a brain dead ninny or an athletic god to agree to fight that many professional boxers at once."

"You said it Johnny." Nick smiled, "Although I'm not familiar with every celebrity, from what I'm told our contestant is dumber than a box of retarded hammers."

Knuckles chuckled at the giant screen. "Heh, if I didn't know better I'd say that television was making fun of me."

"Well Nick, what do you say we not keep these punch-happy boxing fans waiting?" Mr. Gomez offered, to which the crowd gave an appreciative cheer. "Care to do the honors for once?"

"You bet!" Nick cheered as he began his the first introduction; "This fighter's name is Knuckles. No family name, it says here he was raised to be the guardian of some magical something-or-other and he's ready to give us all a good show."

"Heh, imagine that. A boxer named Knuckles." Knuckles chuckled, "That would be like a runner named Speedy."

Outside the ring Rouge rubbed her temples as she let out a groan of pure agony; which was drowned out by the cheering crowd.

"Alright," Johnny said, looking down at the ring. "Referee Mills lane is presiding tonight, he's been informed to enforce the WVBA's special rules of boxing; which not surprisingly is something he knows inside and out. Now, entering the stadium at our left: our first fighter hails from Paris France, his record is ninety nine losses and one win, our first boxer of the night; Glass Joe!"

The crowd suddenly shifted, the cheering turned to disapproved booing as a frail, middle aged man with a quaff of red hair walked toward the ring. But despite the crowd's negative attitude Glass Joe seemed perky, he raised his arms to the crowd and smiled to the masses as he climbed in the ring. He was followed closely by an aging referee with a shining bald head.

Knuckles didn't know what to think of this guy, the echidna stared at the boxer as he cheerfully addressed the audience; "Bonjour! Bonjour! Je suis Glass Joe! Hahaaa!"

Glass Joe turned to face his opponent and upon seeing Knuckles he fainted on the spot. The crowd was stunned, a few chuckled at first thinking this was some of Joe's substandard attempts at ring humor. But when the ref stood forward and checked his pulse a hush fell over the audience, fearing the worst had happened to the Frenchman. Mills Lane felt Glass Joe's neck and stood to pronounce Glass Joe...

"KO, the winner by default is that guy!" Mills Lane declared, pointing a finger at Knuckles.

The first reaction from the crowd was relief that he wasn't dead, the very next thought that went through the fan's minds was disappointment they had not seen the thin punching bag gotten his frog-eating face beaten in.

"I'm confused." Knuckles said, turning to Rouge who was still standing outside of his corner. "Was that the guy who was supposed to give me my free bacon?"

A noticeable vein appeared in Rouge's forehead, "There's no way you can really be this stupid! I signed you up for a boxing tournament you clod not to eat bacon!"

"But you said-"

"I was joking you boob!" Rouge screamed as security dragged Glass Joe out of the ring.

Glass Joe was dragged from the ring by two burly security guards. The angered crowd threw concession stand food and drink at him, inadvertently hitting the guards once and a while but the guards took it in stride. They were probably going to rough him up later for not beating the 2 round spread.

Up in the announcer booth Johnny Gomez shook his head. "What a sad way to begin this night of pugilism eh Nick?"

"Yeah, It was almost as if he'd never seen a five foot tall echidna before tonight." Nick rolled his eyes, "At least these fans seem to be taking it well."

"How do you figure that Nick? They look like they're ready to tear Glass Joe to bits."

"Let's face it Johnny, if we were in the Deathmatch arena, they already would have!"

Both commentators chuckled.

"Well let's move on," Johnny said, casting aside Glass Joe's information sheet and picking up the next, "Ladies and gentlemen, our next contestant's record is four wins and thirteen losses and hails from Brooklyn, New York, and from what it says he he's a fantastic dancer. Now heading to-"

Johnny was stopped when the whole stadium was suddenly aburst with disco music and lighting as a young chocolate skinned man wearing a purple leotard and a small bleach blond afro danced his way to the ring.

"What do you think of that Nick?" Johnny asked, a little weirded out by this sight.

"He kinda makes me think if Apollo Creed and Richard Simmons had a baby." Nick said, realizing how odd that sounded he tried to recover with; "That'd be an interesting match."

Seeing another chance to call Nick Diamond on his bullshit Johnny took it; "It would be if Richard Simmons was still alive, as Billy Blanks took care of him last month and besides Nick, Apollo Creed is just a role played by Carl Weathers."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Whatever the case Johnny, Disco Kid looks like he's going to put on a good show for us."

Down at ringside Disco Kid entered the ring with a confidant smile on his face, he waved the crowd before counting off a few boxercise stretches.

"Hey did you come to fight or dance sunshine?" Mills Lane said in a demanding tone, "Get over here, you two tiny."

Knuckles, still not wholly convinced strolled over to the much larger boxer and referee.

"Now I want a nice, clean fight." The former judge said into his microphone, a habit he had from his time at ol' 'CD.' People always wanted to hear his decisions. "And turn that crap off this instant! Disco's deader than Elvis."

Disco Kid shot Mills Lane a disbelieving look, which seemed to be shared by Kunckles.

"That's not true!" The echidna said loudly.

Disco Kid smiled, maybe after he won this fight he and this echidna could go out to the club and enjoy some good disco.

"Elvis isn't dead!"

... or maybe not.

"You two shut your pie holes. Let's get it on!" Mills Lane shouted his oh-so-familiar catchphrase and the bell was rung.

The bell rang as soon as referee Mills Lane stepped away and the disco music and lighting was turned off. Disco kid's confidant smile returned as he started into his bobbing disco inspired style of boxing.

"Nice foot work." Knuckles complimented, his guard not even up.

"That's very kind of you." Disco Kid said, "But this isn't the place for nice. This is a place for boxercise!"

Knuckles blinked, "Boxer-what?"

"Get your hands up you moron!" Rouge screamed at Knuckles, inadvertently causing the very distraction Disco Kid wanted.

Knuckles had turned his head to look at Rouge when the chocolate skinned boxer landed a gloved punch across the echidna's muzzle. Knuckles stumbled back and fell on his rump; more surprised than hurt. Knuckles still wasn't completely sure what was going on but he wasn't going to let that go. He stood and for the first time since entering the ring; put up his dukes.

"An unusual fighting style if you ask me Johnny." Nick commented, watching as Knuckles blocked a few jabs.

"It may not be orthodox boxing but it is effective." Johnny Gomez said, "Knuckles is at a serious disadvantage, Disco Kid is not just taller but he also has longer reach."

"Maybe, but he's a plucky fighter. Knuckles might be at a disadvantage but he's managing to block every blow so far."

Johnny nodded. "But how long can he hold out against this disco based pugilist?"

Knuckles blocked or dodged the incoming blows and tried to retaliate with his own. Only the first punch connected to Disco Kid's midsection. It was enough to stun the young man for a moment, but not long enough. Disco Kid quickly recovered and blocked Knuckles's follow-up punches.

The guardian dodged a 'boxercise' jab and landed a hook... unintentionally right to Disco Kid's groin. Almost instantly Disco Kid's knees buckled and he nearly fell to the mat. A strange mixture of laughter and booing rippled through the crowd as Kid stumbled over to his corner, as ordered by Mills Lane.

Knuckles on the other hand was hauled over to his corner by Mills Lane who had a firm grip on one of the echidna's dreadlocks.

"Now you look here palm tree," The bald referee boomed in Knuckles's ear. "This is a sanctioned boxing match, and if I see you pull another low blow I'll knock you out myself!"

Knuckles nodded empathetically and Mills Lane brought both fighters to the center of the ring and began the match again. Kid, having recovered from his nut shot growled as he began his attacks with a new kind of fervor.

"I'll show you the full power of disco you little punk! I'll teach you how to groove!" Disco Kid proclaimed, twirling his fists around each other.

Knuckles watched as Disco Kid's fists spun around. Raising his fists to guard his face Knuckles was prepared for anything. In a flash Kid's fists stopped spinning and three swift hooks were thrown. The first one was blocked but the next brushed aside his defenses and connected to the side of his head, and the third hit his forehead. Knuckles fell to his knee, but didn't go down. He shook his head and stood back up.

"You okay son?" Mills Lane asked, he had seen the shorter echidna take a few good blows to the head. In his experience too many hits like that could spell doom for a boxer.

Knuckles silently nodded in the affirmative despite having a headache.

"That was Disco Kid's signature move, what he calls the Disco Flurry." Nick said, "A nasty little piece of footwork eh Johnny?"

"I wouldn't call it footwork myself, but it was a pretty good combo." Johnny nodded.

Outside the ring Rouge sighed, this fight wasn't going well. She'd have to do something to help ol' Knucklehead win. Turning tail she ran out of the arena.

Nick watched as Rouge left ringside. "Looks like Knuckles's trainer has taken off to powder her nose."

"I dunno Nick, I think she's up to something." Johnny said, "But as for Knuckles I can't say this fight is looking good. It's almost as if that little talk Mills Lane had with him shook him up a little."

"Maybe, hey wait... do you hear that?" Nick asked, harkening to the faint sounds of a guitar being played. Suddenly the blaring sound of Motörhead's song; "Ace of Spades" filled the arena.

"Ugh, what is that noise!?" Kid wailed, unable to stand music that was so radically different from disco. Unable to find his groove, Kid threw a clumsy jab.

Knuckles easily dodged Kid's jab and jumped up for a massive uppercut that landed right on Disco Kid's jaw. The boxerciser staggered and nearly recovered before a second uppercut from the echidna which sent him plummeting to the mat.

Mills Lane would have ordered the music to stop but he had to start the count.

"1... 2... 3..."

Disco Kid rubbed his head and started to lift himself up.

"4... 5... 6..."

The almond skinned boxer let out a groan and fell back to the mat.

"7... 8... 9... 10! Knock out!"

The crowd cheered as Knuckles smiled and raised his fists to the roar of the crowd and the flashes of cameras. He wished he had a crowd like this with him whenever he fought Eggman. The heavy metal suddenly stopped playing

"Only two punches but he managed to KO the Kid. Not a bad way to start things off." Nick said, "But don't worry fight fans there's more where Disco Kid came from, and they're all a lot tougher than him. So order another hot dog and get comfy because the fight will continue in five minutes while our main contender takes a short break."

The crowd mumbled as half of its mass went to the concession stands to get some food and drink. In the meantime Rouge returned to Knuckles's corner. "You better be grateful I helped you out back there. Not every girl has heavy metal on her MP3 player and knows how to patch into an arena's audio system."

"... But I-"

"And if what you're about to say is about bacon then you can shut up right now." Rouge said sternly, handing Knuckles a water bottle which was graciously received. "Look, win these fights and I can treat you to as much bacon as you can eat. Each fight you win puts more money in the pockets of the poor."

"Why drag me into this?" Knuckles asked.

Rouge smiled and climbed up on the ropes so she could be eye to eye with him. "Because you have the densest head out of all the people I know."

For emphasis Rouge flicked Knuckles in the forehead. Knuckles frowned and rubbed his head as took another swig of water. "So how many of these guys do I have to knock out?"

"Just three more." Rouge said, "Don't worry too much, just keep throwing those giant mitts of yours and I'll handle the rest. I read up on these guys on the internet and-"

"Well we're about to start the second fight, so I hope you're all back in your seats." Johnny Gomez announced, inadvertently interrupting the bat. "Our next boxer is called Don Flamenco and he's from Madrid, the capital of Spain."

"His record is a respectable twenty two wins and five loses," Nick Diamond chimed in. "Please welcome to our left, Don Flamenco!"

The cheering of women was heard over the male members of the crowd as the confidant Spaniard strode his way towards the ring with a black rose clenched in his teeth. But while the women in the stands were going wild for Don, Rouge was wondering how he wasn't puncturing his mouth with that thorny rose.

Don gracefully entered the ring, turning to bow to the crowd before facing his opponent. Taking the rose from his mouth he looked down at Knuckles with a smug grin. "Seguramente éste no puede ser mi adversario - debe ser una broma!"

Knuckles looked back at Rouge, "Do you have any idea what he just said?"

Unknown to Knuckles Rouge spoke fluently in several languages. Espanol being one of them. "Nothing important. He shouldn't be too hard, he looks like he's more interested in the ladies and acting all smug. I think you can take him."

Knuckles nodded and handed the water bottle back to Rouge. "Alright, if you think so. But where am I supposed to take him?"

Disgruntled, Rouge hopped down from the ropes and prayed that when this was over he wouldn't have any brain damage. Well, more than he already had.

Referee Mills Lane once more called Knuckles to the center of the ring and signaled for Don Flamenco to do the same. Normally he wouldn't have to explain this to fighters but in Knuckles's case he felt he should repeat himself; "Alright you two, keep it clean. No hitting below the belt and if you're knocked down go to your corners. Now let's get it on!"

The bell rang and Don got into his normal stance, fists up and feet in constant motion. "Pareces un cruce entre un perro y Bob Charlie. Acaso hay una relación?"

Knuckles blinked, "I'm sorry? What?"

Nearly too fast for Knuckles to react to; Don Flamenco drew back his arm and with an 'Ole!' he threw a jab at the guardian. The blow brushed Knuckles's cheek as he barely dodged Don's punch. He jumped back and nursed his scraped cheek with the back of his glove.

Don quickly closed the distance between them and counted off; "Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco!"

Knuckles blinked and looked at Rouge to ask what that meant. He never saw Flamenco wind up for his Rose Flurry. Five wide hooks landed and knocked the echidna hard against the ropes. Knuckles would hit the ropes and nearly fall when another hook would knock him back until the fifth and final blow came and Knuckles was allowed to fall to the mat.

"¡Venga, ven a por mi!" Don taunted, putting his hands on his hips and doing a short, stamping version of the flamenco dance.

"Ouch... Don's really got some power in those fists." Nick winced, even from the distance of the announcer stand he could almost feel the force of the blows. "It doesn't look good for the little guy."

"No it doesn't. Knuckles took five hard hits from Don Flamenco." Johnny agreed, "But we've seen people come back from worse Johnny. Remember how Kelsey Grammer lost his skin during his fight with Roseanne but continued to fight and win despite having every muscle exposed to air."

"That might be so but Knuckles is no Kelsey Grammer." Nick said as he returned his gaze back to the fight. "Or is he? I don't believe it he's getting back up!"

The crowd cheered as Knuckles used the ropes to drag himself back to his feet. He staggered and rubbed his head as he let go of his support; his head was still buzzing from Don Flamenco's punches. He felt a large ungloved hand grab his shoulder and shake him gently.

"Can you keep going boy?" Referee Mills Lane asked. This wasn't a deathmatch and as a referee he knew in boxing his job was to keep the fighters from killing or permanently injuring each other. If he had to, he would stop this fight.

Knuckles gave a quick shake of his head to clear the tweeting birds flying around his head. "I'm-I'm good. Let me attim!"

Mills Lane took a moment to study Knuckles before okaying him to step back into the fight. "Alright kid."

On the opposite side of the ring Don Flamenco stood tapping his foot in eager expectation of getting this match back underway. "Venga, tío perro rojo! venga, ven a por mi!"

Feeling cocky Don stood proudly in the middle of the ring and patted his chin. "Seré generoso y te dejo pegarme una vez."

Despite not knowing what Flamenco said, Knuckles stomped over and slammed his fist into the Spaniard's chin. The force of the impact snapped Don's head back hard enough and much to Knuckles's surprise saw a large portion of his opponent's hair fly off and land with a wet 'plop' on Mills Lane's bald head. Noticing the cool air on his bald spot Don franticly felt his head for his toupee. But finding only his bare scalp Flamenco let out an angry growl as he stepped back towards Knuckles and took a jab at Knuckles.

The guardian dodged to the side and planted another blow to Don's gut, but the Spaniard didn't seem to feel it as he landed a punch in the echidna's own stomach.

Outside the ring Rouge muttered quietly to herself. It looked like she'd have to save his bacon again. Rouge hurried over to Don's corner and climbed up so she could be seen more clearly. She breathed deep and shouted; "Oi! Señor Limpio! "Eres tan calvo como el pompis de un mandril y tan feo! No hay señorita en el mundo que te adore!"

Don Flamenco's next punch stopped right in front of Knuckles's face. His face already turning red, he ground his teeth together as he turned to face Rouge. "Mira quien habla, asqueroso murciélago. ¿Porqué no te buscas un mariposón y te lo zampas?"

Rouge rolled her eyes, "Incluso un mariposón tiene pelo, calvete."

Feeling more than a little self conscious about his bald spot Don looked around the ring to find his toupee. He found it still on referee Mills Lane's head, only now the ref was examining his new head ornament, a quaff of slick black hair.

"Árbitro! Déme eso ahora mismo de vuelta!" Don demanded, pointing a glove at Mills Lane's head.

"I got no idea what you're sayin'. So either speak English or get back to fightin'!" Mills said, crossing his arms.

Infuriated by the lack of generosity on the ref's part Don wound back for a haymaker. "Devuelveme éso, cacho de..."

POW! Don staggered around the ring. His vision was blurry and the world around him sounded muddled. He stood in front of Knuckles, teetering on his feet as his fists weakly came up. Knuckles looked at the glazed look in Don's eyes, it looked like the lights were on but nobody was home. The echidna placed his hand on Don's chest and pushed. Don fell down to the mat with a crash.

"Well that was unexpected wasn't it Nick?" Johnny said, "Who'd have thought Mills would take a shot at Don Flamenco?"

"Don was getting pretty rowdy and if you ask me he crossed the line when he was going to take a shot at Mills." Nick said, "He was within his rights to throw Don out of the fight for that but that would have been a let down to these fight fans."

"9... 10... KO!"

"Do you think we should really count this as a win?" Johnny asked.

Nick shrugged. "Why not? Knuckles was the one who did most of the work. Mills only hit him once."

Rouge meanwhile breathed a sigh of relief. If she hadn't provoked Don Knuckles would have lost... and there were two more fighters to go.

Rouge returned to Knuckles's corner and climbed up to examine him. His left eye was turning black but he seemed fine overall. But just for good measure she waved a small jar of smelling salts under his nose. Instantly his eyes bugged out and held his nose like someone had shoved chili powder up it.

"What was that for!?" He screamed at her, not appreciating having his nostrils raped.

"Pay attention, here he comes!" Rouge pointed towards the very round Canadian headed towards the ring.

"Well well, looks like our next contestant is a little ahead of himself." Nick laughed, "Ladies and gents, now approaching the ring is a boxer that goes by the moniker of 'Bear Hugger.' His record is seventeen and twelve and he's almost a quarter ton of Canadian fury."

"The people of Salmon Arm, British Columbia have to be proud of this man." Johnny said, "Rumor has it that he even has a grizzly bear as a sparring partner."

Knuckles gulped as the immense lumberjack rolled himself into the ring. At first he thought this man was going to be a push over. He didn't look a thing like the lean fighters he had faced before. Bear Hugger looked like if he did a jumping jack he'd have a heart attack and keel over.

The super sized boxer whapped his gloves together and chuckled as he approached the center of the ring. Knuckles hesitated but a quick shoved from behind thanks to Rouge sped him forward.

Mills Lane cracked his neck and stepped to both boxers and just like with the last two rounds explained the rules quickly before starting the fight once again.

"What am I fighting today? Some kind of Jamaican kangaroo?" Bear Hugger chuckled, adjusting his toque on his bald head.

Knuckles grumbled and put up his dukes. "Oh yeah, you look like a fat tub of lard."

Bear lurched back on his heels, farther than Knuckles had thought possible for a man of his girth could. Shouting out 'catch and release' Bear shot forward and wrapped his massive arms around the guardian, pinning his arms to his sides and lifting him clean off his feet! Knuckles felt the air being squeezed out of him as he was pressed hard against Bear's flabby belly. He was a lot stronger than he looked!

Another surprise came out from under Bear's toque; a small red squirrel wearing tiny boxing gloves on its front paws. At first Knuckles thought he was seeing things. After all how often to you see a small woodland creature pop out from under someone's hat? The little squirrel stared at Knuckles with its beady doll-like eyes… then pulled its little arm back and punched Knuckles in the eye.

The crushing had been one thing but the poke in the eye from the squirrel's admittedly pathetic punch was more than Knuckles could stand. Without thinking the guardian thrashed and kicked and flailed his head around as he let out a pained yell.

Up in the commentator's stand Nick turned to his partner. "Am I imagining things, or is that a squirrel under Bear Hugger's hat?"

"It is, one of the Canadian's little helpers no doubt." Johnny nodded, "Seems as though the smaller fighter took a shot to the eye there. Here comes Mills Lane to break things up."

"Break it up you two. This is a boxing match not a tender reunion at an airport." Mills said, gripping Bear firmly by the arm. "Three seconds is all you get for that kinda crap."

Bear released Knuckles, who stumbled around the ring for a second shifting his sore shoulders. That brute had a hell of a grip. If he grabbed him again he wouldn't be getting up.

"Heh, no problem ref." Bear said with a hearty chuckle.

"Come on Ref," Knuckles groaned as he rubbed his sore eye. "That little punk squirrel he has under his hat hit me! This is two on one!"

Without missing a beat Mills Lane made his call. "I'll allow it!"

"What? But-"

"I don't have to explain it to you. Now get back to fightin'!" Mills said, stepping away the two fighters.

Feeling discriminated against Knuckles begrudgingly put his fists back up. "Okay, I gotta stay clear of that damned monster's hugs."

Bear snorted, "Monster eh? Just fer that ah'm gunna stomp ya!"

Down came an overhead punch that would have been devastating if Knuckles hadn't been able to jump to the left to avoid it. Countering with a series of jabs to the overweight boxer's midsection Knuckles heard Bear grunt in pain with each blow. A sudden retaliating hook sent Knuckles skidding across the mat.

"What's wrong? Feeling dizzy?" Bear laughed. Just to taunt the echidna Bear put his gloves behind his head and waved his massive belly in Knuckles's face.

Outside Rouge was a little surprised that he was doing so well on his own. But she already had her contingency plan ready, an autographed photo of Wayne Gretzky. A forgery of course but Bear Hugger didn't know that.

Another missed punch from Bear gave Knuckles another shot. He was starting to sense a strange pattern in how this was working out. Bear's toque went flying as Knuckles scored a direct uppercut that knocked Bear's toque clean off. The little squirrel that had hidden under the wool hat was knocked off of Bear's bald head and slid down his back into his overalls. The sensation of a panicked, tiny squirrel scampering around in his pants caused Bear Hugger to jump around, shaking his legs to try to force the little critter out of his pant leg.

Taking advantage of his opponent's distraction Knuckles pounded on Bear's upper body, keeping his fists away from Bear's pants. A punch from him could kill the squirrel, he may not have liked it for popping him in the eye but he didn't want to kill it.

"Why you little... Arg! Hey don't bite me there ya little hoser!" Bear growled as he bent over to yell to his pants some more, much to the humor of the crowd.

Bear didn't see the blow but as he was bent over he was a wide open target. He spun on his heel as he reeled from another uppercut from the echidna. The squirrel had only managed to crawl out of Bear's pant leg and scampered out of the ring and once it felt safe it paused to catch its breath. It should have kept running as Bear Hugger leaned against the ropes and felt out the ring onto the hard floor... on top of the squirrel.

Both Mills and Knuckles ran to the edge to see if Bear had cracked that bald head of his wide open. He was out cold on the floor with the front half of his squirrel-companion struggling to get out from under a large roll of shoulder fat. The way it was clawing at the floor desperately trying to free itself was pretty pitiful.

"Eh... I don't think I need to count. Knock out!"

"An interesting if short fight wouldn't you say Nick?" Johnny asked.

"Any day I See a boxer who weighs over four hundred pounds go over the ropes and crush a defenseless squirrel under a roll of fat is a good day Johnny." Nick said, to which his fellow commentator nodded in agreement.

"Knuckles has shown to be good fighter, having beaten out three of his opponents. Not counting the disappointing performance by Glass Joe." Johnny said. "This will be the final intermission, five minutes for him to rest and his trainer to see how badly he's hurt. He's so small those punches he's received must have done quite a lot damage. Until then... please check out the snack bars."

Some of the crowd went to replenish their drinks and snacks. Most did not move from their seats, knowing if they did they would risk missing the beginning of the next fight waiting in line for food or drink.

Johnny clicked off the microphone and sighed, "The only thing I hate about this job is plugging the snack bar every so often."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "It's in our contract, and it's just for this event so why are you complaining?"

"It just breaks flow. Here we are trying to objectively comment on the situation below and each time we give the little guy a break they expect us to plug that overpriced crap they serve."

Nick stood, "Now that you mention it, I'm kinda in the mood for some nachos... be right back."

Johnny Gomez put his head on the desk. Whatever, it wasn't his money Nick was wasting. Looking down at the ring the medics were bringing in a pair of forklifts to carry Bear Hugger out of the arena. Johnny remembered it only took one forklift to carry Marlon Brando around the Deathmatch arena.

Down in the ring Knuckles was resting in his corner on a small footstool that Rouge had brought for him. His red fur was starting to cling to his body from all the sweat and he stank as Rouge found out. She had climbed into the ring to get a closer look at him and she didn't like what she saw. His left eye was already black and blue while the right was starting to swell shut. She practically shoved the water bottle in his mouth down his throat as she pressed an ice pack over his eyes. Knuckles yelped at first but didn't protest further on account of how fatigued he was.

"How much longer?" Knuckles groaned.

"Just one more guy." Rouge said, taking the ice pack off before his eyeballs froze. "Then you get a neat belt and a lot of money for charity."

"What kinda charity?" Knuckles asked, slipping one hand out of his boxing glove to rub his sore face.

"Hey buster, get those claws of yours back in that boxing glove right now!" Mills Lane barked, pointing a finger at the claws on the back of Knuckles's hands.

Knuckles grumbled and put the glove back on. "Who's the last guy?"

"He's huge. But don't worry, unlike the rest of these guys he's a complete idiot. I met him before when I was er, helping you with Disco Kid."

"And after him what happens?" Knuckles mumbled lazily.

Rouge looked at him for a second. Sure, Knuckles was dumb but he didn't repeat himself like that. Maybe those last few punches had turned that tiny brain of his into lumpy mashed potatoes or applesauce. Rouge shrugged, it's not like he used that head of his for much anyway and he only had one more fight to go.

"Knuckles, the reason I signed you up for this was-"

"Okay we're back, time to start the last fight so you don't want to miss it!" Johnny said, looking over at Nick who had returned with a jumbo sized serving of nachos and runny cheese. "Ladies and gentlemen! Approaching the ring is the giant from Hippo Island in the South Pacific. His current record is eighteen wins and ten losses. He held the Minor Circuit Championship for nearly a year and is the only former champion in our line up tonight."

Nick took a second to swallow his mouthful of tortilla chips before taking his turn. "Coming in across from the announcer booth; the titanic King Hippo!"

Knuckles stood up and looked around for the next challenger, the vision in his right eye wasn't that great but he could see what was closing in on the ring. At first it looked like a flesh colored hill on legs. This 'king' was sporting a massive silver crown decorated with small blue gems that was perched atop his neckless conical head. Two teeth, presumably they were canines but they were flat, stuck out from bottom lip. Two large pink boxing gloves sat on the end of two meaty arms. But the most noticeable thing was the large manhole cover that was duct taped to his massive flabby gut. The king raised his fists and let out a confidant roar which roused the crowd to cheer and snap pictures of the royal flab.

Knuckles stood there, mouth agape as King Hippo climbed into the ring. Standing straight Knuckles was only eye height to the center of the manhole cover. What the heck was this guy?

"Good luck Knuckles!"

Knuckles looked behind him. Rouge had already slipped out of the ring and wearing a big smile. But somehow the speed that she had abandoned him wasn't very reassuring.

"That Hippo's a big one; even bigger than Roseanne." Nick said, "For the record Stacy Cornbread tried to weigh King Hippo before the match just to see how much he weighs. According to her he weighs six spins."

"Six spins? What do you mean?" Johnny asked.

"Well the little arrow on the scale spun around six times before the scale simply... broke. We would have gotten a truck scale to weigh him but there wasn't enough time."

King Hippo's beady eyes darted around the ring, turning his entire bulk until he found the ref and grunted.

"What's that son?" Mills Lane asked, putting a hand to his ear.

Another grunt.

Mills Lane shook his head, "Just think of your paycheck Mills... Let's just get it on and over with!"

"Oh come on ref what about that manhole cover!?" Rouge screamed from her spot outside Knuckles's corner. "He's wearing armor!"

"I said get it on so get it on!" Mills Lane barked as he rang the bell.

"Oh come on Rouge, that thing can't be real." Knuckles said, "Otherwise he would have made him take that plastic thing off. Watch."

Running full speed at the still oblivious King Hippo Knuckles plowed his fist into the 'fake' manhole cover. Even after the resulting 'gong' sound had gone silent Knuckles was still jumping around holding his throbbing hand. But despite the

"Fake huh?" Rouge mumbled, hurrying away from the ring. "If you keep this then I'll have to save your bacon yet again..."

Knuckles meanwhile shook his hand as if that would disperse the pain. "Yowch! That smarts!"

Whether it was the loud 'gong' sound, the force of the actual punch, Knuckles's yelp of pain, or some combination the three, or maybe King Hippo just had the idea to look straight down because he finally saw his tiny opponent. A deep laugh rumbled out of Hippo's throat; causing his immense belly to jiggle in an unsettling manner. Once he was through with his round of laughter Hippo got into his normal fighting stance. His huge mits were raised to protect his upper body and face while the manhole cover was left to protect his soft belly.

Dumbfounded as to what to do against such a beastly adversary Knuckles stood facing Hippo with his hands up; even though he doubted blocking fists that big would do anything...

Sensing Knuckles's unease King Hippo grabbed his beer belly and purposely jiggled it close to in a disgusting attempt at a taunt. The massive boxer chuckled as Knuckles turned a little green in the face.

Mills looked away from Hippo, "Ugh, I've never wanted anyone to wear a shirt more in my life..."

"Sheesh... I have to agree." Knuckles urped, trying to keep his lunch down. It was clear that Hippo was even more disgusting than Bear. "Come to think of it, why is it every one of these guys has been fatter than the next?"

Moving in for another attack Knuckles swung with a hook hoping to score a hit around Hippo's manhole. Hippo saw this and turned into the punch and again Knuckles's hand hit solid iron. The larger boxer, having grown tired of seeing the echidna make a fool of himself pulled his fist back for a haymaker. Perhaps he should have tried for a quick jab instead. Mid way through his wind up Knuckles grabbed onto the top of the manhole cover and hauled himself up. Hippo's wide grin evaporated as the guardian's boxing glove popped him in the mouth. The fat lummox whined as he backed his massive form away from Knuckles and protected his face with both hands. Unknown to Knuckles he had hit a sore tooth that King Hippo has had for a number of years, his reluctance to go to a dentist about it may very well be the reason he is only the Minor Circuit Championship.

Knuckles had dropped down from once he had punched King Hippo in the mouth and now he was wondering what he should do next. There wasn't much chance Hippo would let him use that same slow punch again. Belly shots were impossible so long as that manhole cover was duct taped to Hippo's flabby stomach... and for once the dim bulb clicked on.

Dashing forward Knuckles griped hold of one of the strips of tape and pulled. The manhole cover sagged as one of its supporting strips was pulled free. Emboldened by this Knuckles quickly grabbed the remaining two with each hand. Hippo, sensing something is amiss, jabbed at his miniscule opponent. This time Hippo connected and Knuckles was knocked clear off his feet to the other side of the ring where he bounced off the ropes. Knuckles landed on his face and laid there.

Clang! On the other side of the ring King Hippo yelped and nursed his foot. He could see Knuckles was still down and hadn't been near his feet so he couldn't have stepped on his foot. The fat lummox hadn't even noticed the two strips of tape still stuck to the echidna's boxing gloves and put two and two together yet.

Rouge whapped her hand on the mat in front of Knuckles, trying to excite some movement from him.

Mills Lane started the count. "1... 2... 3..."

"Come on Knucklehead! Get up!" Rouge called out, pounding harder.

Knuckles stirred, slowly crawling his way over to the ropes.

"4... 5... 6..."

"Come on hurry up or you'll be counted out!" Rouge thought for a second, she needed something that would get through his dense skull.

"7... 8..."

"Think of me! The belt! Um... the bacon!"

"9..."

"Bacon?" Knuckles mumbled into the mat. Pushing off against the mat Knuckles was on his feet in one swift motion. "Where?"

A relieved smile appeared on Rouge's face. Just once that blatant stupidity of his had gotten him out of trouble instead of into it. "You'll get it soon. You just gotta hit him a few times."

Knuckles whined, "But I want bacon now... the salty, crispy, meaty goodness."

Overhearing all of this, Hippo licked his lips and rubbed his belly. All that talk about bacon was making him hungry. This did not go unnoticed by Rouge as she ducked down below the mat and pulled out a remote control. Fanging a smile she pressed a button. There was no explosion or anything else that happened; or at least, at first. While she had been out she had placed powerful fans in the vents near the concession stands. It wasn't long before the smell of popcorn, nacho cheese, and soft pretzels drifted their way to the ring. As soon as these scents hit King Hippo's pug nose his mouth cracked open and a river of saliva dribbled out from corner of his mouth.

"Oh gross, I didn't think he'd do that." Rouge winced. "Go get 'im Knuckie."

Despite her childish new pet name for him Knuckles ran back towards King Hippo. While the bloated boxer was daydreaming about snack foods the guardian slammed his fists over and over into Hippo's unprotected stomach. To everyone's surprise his trunks fell to the floor revealing his boxers.

"That I did not need to see..." Johnny said.

Nick didn't comment, he only grabbed one of their emergency air sickness bags and up came his nachos.

Hippo bent his knees to pick up his pants, leaving himself wide open. With that crowned head lower than it had ever been in this match Knuckles sent an uppercut up into Hippo's face. The silver crown went flying as King Hippo stumbled backwards, his pants slipping out of his hands and catching around his ankles. Before he knew it Hippo was falling back against the ropes. At first the ropes seemed like they would hold his immense girth but the strain of holding King Hippo up proved too much and they snapped sending Hippo crashing to the floor outside the ring.

Mills Lane hopped out of the ring and snapped his fingers in front of Hippo's face. "Lights are on but nobody's home. TKO!"

Knuckles smiled and sank to his knees. After all of tonight's rough housing he just wanted to rest and then have a big breakfast. He just hoped that Rouge would keep her word. The roar of cheers the crowd was giving him was nice but he didn't like the punishment he went through to get it.

"What an upset!" Nick said, having recovered from seeing King Hippo in his undies. "Knuckles has beaten the odds and his opponents. I have to admit I didn't think he could do it."

"I'll say. Any man, er echidna who can endure this series of matches is made of championship material." Johnny said, "And Mills Lane is down there to present the belt."

Mills Lane handed Knuckles a fancy belt that was clearly too big for his tiny waist. The WVBA logo in gold was on the center buckle. Knuckles took it and slung it over his shoulder. "Thanks sir."

With that Mills Lane walked out of the ring to get a soda and maybe a comb for his new toupee. No one besides him in this whole arena knew how thirsty being a referee can be. He needed one for what was coming up next.

"Rouge look! I got the belt! I Won!" Knuckles stopped when he say her. "Um... where'd you get that?"

On top of Rouge's head was King Hippo's crown and right below it was a huge grin. "Oh I found this just lying around and you know what they say: Finders Keepers."

She took off the crown, "Um, this is the real reason I signed you up. I've tried several times to get this off that fat load but he's surprisingly spry when it comes to that crown…"

Knuckles stared at the bat for a long time, his good eye twitched. "You mean I've risked my health in these fights so you could get your hands on that bit of jewelry? You spoiled, greedy, selfish, heartless, bi-"

"Well, looks like that's all." Nick said, "The belt has been presented and Knuckles has beaten all of his challengers. A great series of fights if you ask me Johnny."

"Not much else to say but good fight and good night." Johnny Gomez rose to stretch before leaving the announcer stand. "Wait, who's this approaching the ring?"

Knuckles turned to see a tall, mustachioed bald man with mutton chops charging the ring full force. He leapt up, bounced off of Hippo's gut and into the ring he went. He was far different than the men Knuckles had fought.

"Yerim seni lan." He bellowed, steam coming out of his nose like a pair of tea kettles.

"Well well seems we have a surprise challenger so don't go anywhere people! Here tonight is the reckless Bald Bull."

Knuckles gulped and turned back to Rouge. "Please tell me you have a plan for this guy."

Rouge gulped; "Um... I only had plans for the guys I saw in the back. I've never seen this guy before. You're on your own."

Knuckles sighed... and all this started because he wanted some bacon. Why is it that he listened to her? Stretching a little he prepared for one more fight.

Mills Lane shook his head and waved for a stretcher. This wasn't going to be a long match.

END.

I wrote this for my friend's birthday. He drew a picture on DA and I inserted it into the ending as an homage to FiesoDuck10's great work. =3 Happy birthday amigo.


End file.
